Thursday, March 08, 2007

40 days and 40 nights

...since a decent post.

That's really pretty pitiful, so I'm gonna remedy that now.

I have greater respect than ever for Aunt B at Tiny Cat Pants. It's easy to start something, the challenge is staying with it day after day.

Also, I like to do fun and exciting new projects which leave little time for old habits.

I've gotten out of my exercise and good eating habits a bit. Haven't really gained any weight back, but I can tell the difference walking 3 miles once a week versus 5 times a week.

I find myself missing friends and family a lot. This especially over the past 2-3 weeks. Then I spoke to T today after M's surgery, and I'm so looking forward to just sitting down with her. There are many times when I question my life priorities, made worse with A being so far away. I've learned to really enjoy parts of Houston; it's becoming a place I like being, but it's hard to overstate my envy at those who can just go over to the hospital. I used to be able to go over to the hospital. I hate that I can't. While I've always had the desire to see the world and enjoy things that are not available in a small Alabama town, I've never had same degree of negative things pushing me away as some of my other loved ones. Maybe that's because I moved away so soon after high school and never really lived there again. But for whatever reasons, I really do love so much and so many there, and I have wonderful memories that (while I recognize them as just memories) are painfully dislocative when I want to be with the people I love.

I'm in KP withdrawal due to lack of posts, and T withdrawal due to lack of cell reception. I had gotten used to chatting with T a few nights a week when he worked at the hotel, and am hoping very much that his new schedule combined with my Gulf Coast location will make it possible to spend more than a few hours talking. It takes more than a few hours.

I also know KP will be increasingly busy, if not very soon then in the near future. I know people who really do well with phones, I remember hearing of G/D calling A or S calling A daily or more, and I had a friend at work in Virginia who talked to her mother daily. And I remember an old girlfriend once saying that she envied me and my cousins, saying she had nobody so close. I find myself envying me then as well.

Which leads me in part to posting. I've found at work that, and maybe I'm different than most folks on this, but I hate bothering people. I've mentioned this before. The fact that A and I so often do everything together probably informs or reinforces this, but when I'm wishing to be spending time with people and thinking how poor a substitute phones are, it seems a bit of an inconvenience to take people away from those they are choosing to be with, so they can spend time on ... horrors ... the phone.

I mentioned work but then left that hanging.

Often in my job I have to go and ask for other people's help with stuff. I do it cheerfully and it is often fine, but it seems inevitably I have want to ask about more things than they have time to discuss, so I'm left in the awkward position of trying to figure out when to just leave them alone. I don't like that sense of imposition. Me, I try again to be very cheerful and friendly when people need something from me, and people get surprised how much time I take to help. It's flattering but depressing - I think everyone should do that, and it makes me aware that others are more jealous of their time than I am. So "people are busy" plus "phones suck" equals "calling someone is equivalent to asking someone if they can hold the flashlight while I fix the engine". Sure you might have a nice chat at the same time, but it's really a hassle in the scheme of things.

Or maybe the fear is that someone else will consider it that. Probably more along that line. Classic fear of rejection, or simply a fear of reaffirming how far apart people really are?

Okay, on that cheery note, I've been thinking that I ought to find some way to share what I've been doing in town, because as I mentioned before the self-pity session, I have been actually enjoying Houston.

I've mentioned the restaurants. I'm posting photos of restaurants on Flickr. Most of these are drive-bys, but as I try them I am getting multiple photos of those. Perhaps posting some reviews up here would be interesting?

I've also been going to the theatre. I've seen Homebody/Kabul and Hitchcock Blonde. I also heard Garrison Keillor speak at the Progressive Forum, where the guy who wrote The Weather Makers (an influential global warming book) will be speaking in a week or so. I used to think when I was in college that I'd move to Atlanta and get season tickets to the Fox Theatre. I bought season tickets to the Alley Theatre in Houston, and they are the first season tickets I've had since Auburn.

I've been missing roots. This is a whole 'nother post, and the thought "break them up like Aunt B does" is ringing through my head... what the hell...

2 comments:

perrykat said...

I really, really want to say a lot of stuff here, and I really, really can't.

Let's just say that I've been thinking MANY of these same thoughts tonight for many of the same reasons. On top of M, I had an interview yesterday with a college in Montgomery. I think they want me. I've been soul searching. I haven't found anything.

You are not alone.

And yet...

I miss you.

Jebbo said...

Was it Monday or Tuesday I thought, "I should ask if she has any interviews in Houston..."

I miss you too.

Thanks for writing.

Let's talk soon.