Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Nothing much to say, but I suppose that is something to say.

Last several weeks tough, ever since A. went back to her degree. Have chunks of things to write in my mind, but as a rule I only do stream of consciousness on comments, not posts.

So posts require stepping outside and getting perspective, and saying something from that perspective.

And like the White House not wanting status reports on Iraq, I'm not itching to do my own status reports.

When I was in school once I hid my report card so I'd have a chance to get some good grades in the bad class before my Mom and Dad asked about it.

I'm torn over whether it is a "good" or "bad" thing to be so tapped into the world/politics thing to let it get to you emotionally. Ideally, I want to be tapped in, do something, and still stay "clean". Right now, I'm tapped in, very burdened with it, but doing something. The alternative is backing out, doing nothing, to recover and get some clarity.

Sometimes when I'm not fed and watered I get short-tempered... okay, always when I'm not fed and watered I get short-tempered and want to fix everything in the world, because every problem is intolerable.

I'm there now, pretty much. The way you feel with low blood sugar, no meal in 2 days except cotton candy. Except I am fed and watered. I've learned good coping methods living w/ A, so I know to relax, separate my emotional reaction from my analytical one, make time to relax etc.

So it's all difficult right now, and I'm not sure why. I have sensible theories, but none really testable. And the bottom line of all of them seems to be, get used to it and hope it goes away.

I get to spend time with T, KP and A in the next 2 months. Next year A and I expect to be together again. Plus there will be a new election. Reason for some hope all around.

But now. Now is hard. Let's hope it is a growth hard, and not a damage hard.

1 comment:

perrykat said...

growth versus damage: I don't believe you can have one without the other (in either direction).

stretch marks, bone aches, scars

growth hurts, damage hurts, life...

yes.

Hang in there. We are not all ugly, mean, hateful creatures. Money and power corrupts.