Grumble

Well, I've clearly been really half-assed about this lately. Better than being quarter-assed (not naming names...), but no real excuse.

Currently my willpower is being directed into:

• learning SAP/Java technology for work. Soon I'll start getting phonecalls to fix broken systems, and I'd rather panic some now to avoid more later.
• arbitraging moat carps with foot-powered oyster fishing and cooking funds. combination distraction, patience-building and wrist-resting. Law and Order, CSI, Monk and House make good background noise. And House, if you didn't already know, is really really good.
• reading pithy maxims and marvelling at my range of reactions. call it "living the question", where the question is KP's observations on the Self.
• moving savings. hsbcdirect and citibank have 4.8-5.0% interest rates on online savings accounts.
• trying to figure out how to make dynamic books. as in paper that can do calculations. current status: still impossible, but i remain undeterred.
• reading the supreme court's hamdan ruling. wondering what constitutional authority the congress has to set the judiciary's jurisdiction. see, if i generated fantastic blog content daily, one of my legions of readers would probably comment explaining it to me. better get on with it, eh?
• thinking about iraq. and not, perhaps, in the way some would expect.
• eating well and less, and getting daily exercise. ~3 miles walking a day, and down to 165 pounds (from about 180-185 at peak).
• thinking about the top 10 places to visit. i only know one, but then I've only spent 5 minutes thinking of it. there's a book called something like 10 places to visit or 10 most beautiful places. I read it at Auburn, and found it in the Houston library. There are these islands in China that lift like tiny sharp mossy mountains out of the water. It's surreal, and I'd love to see it. The others I'm gonna have to think about.

On other topics, I was shocked to hear that a recent CNet review of online map providers was *not* won by Google Maps. Are you kidding me? Yahoo Maps took the crown, so after updating my Flash Player I headed over to http://maps.yahoo.com and gave their new beta a try. Ladies and Gentlemen, the battle is joined.

37signals.com

Currently playing around with these tools. There is this somewhat amorphous (that word looks wrong) movement in technology that has been widely dubbed "Web 2.0". Having seen the late 90's tech bubble burst, I'm not putting money into any of these companies, but it's nice to see things that make technology fun again.

I'll give you some reviews later.

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Update 1

I'm trying to learn a little about Ruby on Rails, which is a framework based on Ruby, which is a computer programming language. That sounds pretty boring doesn't it. I mean, c'mon... how fun can a computer language be?

Check this out.

Stewing

Sometimes you just keep stirring the pot and tasting. A bit more pepper. A little chocolate. Some Zatarain's always helps.

In lieu of a finished entree, an appetizer courtesy of Rainer Maria Rilke:

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

And now for something totally...

Invisible instruments

I don't know if I'm more surprised how bad it is, or how good it is.

Soundtrack

Walking back from lunch, I was thinking "is there an emotional equivalent of holding one's breath?"

Then I checked KP's blog. Funny how things go, isn't it. I was also thinking last week,

Funny how hard it is to think when you are playing hide and seek with your own thoughts.

I was also thinking, walking in, is there something like the way when you are hungry (hypoglycemically) that nothing is satisfying, and that you hyper-focus on something arbitrary, something that annoys you or that is a milestone (weight, bank balance, status of clothing being ironed), you focus on it not so much out of proportion, but out of value balance... boy, I bet there's a better word than that... like being aware you are in a dream while dreaming... being aware that your emotional reaction to things is not you, but is more a bio-chemical shift. Then you have lunch, and everything is normal again. But I was thinking whether there is an emotional version of that, not food affecting emotion, but emotion affecting emotion. Does that leave a control variable?

Read Life of Pi?

Hide and Seek.

So what other thing was I thinking last week? Family. It was this weekend actually. Something about family. Was rereading about differentiation last week. But the family bit? Gone now.

And audiences. Differention. I see that connection now. Funny how much easier it is to find the blog "voice" now. Is that the equivalent of "forgetting the camera is there" or is it knowing the audience? The early challenge of the blog, especially the audio blog, was finding/choosing the voice. Is it okay to write "f**k" or not (guess not)?

And now? Right now I'm not that character, or I don't have that voice, or call it what you will. The differentiation principle (for lack of a better term) says, talk anyway. Integrity is the ability to be yourself regardless of potential reactions. And in relationships, even virtual ones, it gets very easy to do and say the things that get you the positive responses and validation you want. Even if it means not doing and saying other true things. This builds comfort at the expense of honesty, and is (arguably perhaps) the long slow death of real intimacy.

Relevance? Well differentiation demands knowing and holding on to yourself. Hide and seek is a different game. So can you maintain an honest relationship with others while hiding from yourself?

I listened to a really interesting program on teaching children about media literacy. What a terrific idea. Included were critically watching not just news but TV shows, and learning to understand the storytelling rules in both.

Sometime individuals break these rules. "Company" on Broadway and "Seinfeld" on TV showed that a plot isn't necessary if the conversations are interesting enough. Blogs seem to be an interesting hybrid. They demand the Robert Altman-like authenticity of conversation along with a big-picture message. Those storytelling rules appeal to me.

I'm reminded now of Jeanne, how she used to have to have a (and now the anxiety over storytelling rules and audiences come back... do we like this anxiety, is it the pleasurable stress of intimacy, or is recognition of the fundamental danger of the virtual interface of public and private?) ... had to clear her mind of relationship baggage before she could concentrate enough to study for exams. I always thought that was very odd... why choose to live with that much emotional difficulty day to day? Wouldn't it be better to work through it, deal with it - not that it would be easy, but still.

Where does this story end? On a raft at sea, understanding a little better why one chooses to sail with tigers.

Controversial Wisdom

I'm intrigued that KP's blog was hijacked this weekend. Even Tyson's was hijacked, albeit by someone he knew. His blog was about God, KP's ... well it was kinda about God, too.

Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. Too low-key, oblique. I mean, Lean Pockets??? If you want fame, you need Controversy. Sex. War. Race. And of course, God.

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Just in time for the 2006 Hurricane Season, I have good news. The Big Easy is back!


"We are Looking for High-Class, Energetic, Exciting, Outgoing Party People! Potential to make over $1000 a Day! Inexpensive Accomodations Available. Turn in This AD for $200 Travel Reimbursement!"

Yes indeed, Larry Flynt's Hustler Club at 225 Bourbon Street, New Orleans is hiring "Cocktail Waitresses" and "Professional Entertainers".


And here I was worried about the lack of affordable housing. Take that, Katrina!


Speaking of hurricanes, if you live near Brownsville, Texas, you might want to evacuate now. Brownsville as you know is near the Mexican border, and there is a security checkpoint on the main evacuation route headed out of town.

Hopefully they'll hold any hurricanes at the checkpoint, too, since they plan on maintaining the checkpoint even during a hurricane evacuation. As the Houston Press so succinctly put it, otherwise "some Mexicans might get in, and then the terrorists would have won."

Speaking of election year pandering, given rising inflation, trade and budget deficits, social security and medicare insolvency and the lack of access to health care, oh and schools that don't prepare our students to compete against cheaper foreign labor in a free-trade world, and a minimum wage that hasn't been raised while Congress raised their own pay 7 times (see amendment 27 below), our elected representatives have decided that the most important order of business for the future of our country is...

ding! time's up!

...passing a constitutional amendment to prevent states from recognizing gay marriages.



First, some statistics.

Support for ExxonMobil shareholder proposals to add sexual orientation to the list of explicitly prohibited forms of discrimination, by year:

2000 13.0%
2002 23.9%
2003 27.3%
2004 28.9%
2005 29.5%
2006 34.6%

Quick, change the Constitution while we still can, because it looks like our kids might want to live in a different world than we live in today! If we don't change the constitution, they might decide that men could marry men, and women women, like we decided it was okay for Catholics to marry Jews to marry blacks to marry whites.

The irony is that I seem to think of the Constitution protecting the meek from the strong; people from their governments, minorities from the majorities. Maybe now is a good time to review what the rules of this country are.



United States Constitution, Amendments 1-27

#1 government can't tell you who to pray to, what to read or say or complain about.
#2 government can't take away all the guns.
#3 government can't keep soldiers in your house.
#4 government can't spy on you or take your stuff without good reason.
#5 government can't try you for something serious without proof.
#6 government can't jail you indefinitely without trial, and trials must be fair.
#7 government can't try you without a jury unless you agree.
#8 government can't be unreasonable in bail or punishment.
#9 these aren't all your rights.
#10 the federal government only has power we explicitly give it, and no more.
#11 states can't go suing each other.
#12 runner up doesn't get vice presidency anymore; separate vote for that job.
#13 sorry about that whole slavery thing. you're officially not slaves now.
#14 we'll even make you citizens. rebels pay for the war, can't run for office.
#15 your kids are citizens too. your skin color can't lessen your rights.
#16 government can tax your income.
#17 you get to elect your senators directly.
#18 no drinks for you.
#19 sorry about that whole "barefoot and pregnant" joke, lady. have a ballot.
#20 congress picks the pres/VP if they both die.
#21 alright, you're (amendment) 21, have a drink.
#22 hey FDR, let someone else have a turn as president.
#23 DC can have a vote. sorta.
#24 poor people, you can vote too.
#25 congress can let VP take over if president goes loony.
#26 18 year olds: we can't give you a beer, so have a ballot instead.
#27 congressional pay raises must wait 2 years.

So there we have it. In summary:
A) we don't trust the government.
B) we don't trust majorities.
C) we occasionally have to tweak even technical rules as times change.
D) we change our minds about morality, especially where there are no agreed victims.

Speaking of victimless crimes, did you know Prostitution is legal in Germany, where the World Cup is about to start? Sex workers are flooding in. Because of this, the US is accusing Germany of encouraging trafficing of sex slaves. And did you know that by mentioning sex again this blog probably moved up some search engine 37 places?

Sex trafficing and Germany of course makes me think of... Southeast Asia (what did you think I was going to say?). Thailand and Vietnam. Wikipedia quotes Pulitzer Prize winning My Lai reporter Michael Sallah as saying "you would have difficulties finding a single newspaper in Germany or elsewhere in Europe which does not deal with My Lai, Abu Ghraib and Haditha in the same commentary."



Haditha is of course the Iraqi city where a couple dozen Iraqis were killed by American Marines. This is one where everybody says "of course we have to wait until we know more" and then proceeds to say "why did they snap?".

I guess the lesson for me is that in any war, the soldiers are mostly young men with guns, and even with the best training, sometimes people in terrible situations will make terrible choices. And the costs of those (in my view unavoidable) mistakes must be factored into the expected costs of any war, no matter how noble.

Hearing electronic laughter at the word "noble", I'm reminded of a WW2 vet who described how, when German soldiers slaughtered American POWs after the Battle of the Bulge, the Americans started slaughtering the German POWs in return. "We took prisoners, most just didn't make it back alive." Civilians were intentionally targetted in Dresden, Hiroshima and Nagasaki. War deadens our civility and over time demands victory at any cost, then cessation at any cost. In Germany and Japan we could rationalize that even the civilians, powering the factories, were the enemy. What do we do though when (at least some of) the civilians are *not* declared the enemy?



I'll tell my children that putting soldiers on foreign soil quickly breeds resentment then hatred, no matter the intent. The necessary level of restraint cannot be indefinitely sustained against a native enemy with time, local knowledge and terrorist tactics on their side. Our military might can be used to destroy a visible external threat to our own or other's existing (stable) status quo, but it cannot be used to shape a new status quo. Even in Afghanistan (a perceived success) the Taliban is making a comeback with the help of villagers who associate Western troops with destruction of their vital opium poppy crop. The new status quo is only sustainable with force, that force fosters resentment, resentment breeds resistence, which exacts a cost undermining the will to sustain the required force. It's how our country gained independence.



Status quos and the social trends that shape them are powerful, like forces of nature. Climates and hurricanes. We try to fight them with bombs and amendments, but ultimately we are humbled by them. Katrina had the force of 100,000 atomic bombs. Kids today have grown up with Will & Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Whether we want to change or protect the status quo, it can be tempting to think our faith and pure intentions will part the waters, Old Testament style.


I'd like to bring back the God of my youth, specifically the Serenity Prayer I used to read on the wall at my Grandma's house.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change those things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

God, at the start of the 2006 hurricane season, grant everyone the wisdom to know when to get out of the way of the storm.

On a lighter God note, I hear the Da Vinci Code video game sucks ___. Why would anyone play a game where you already know *everything* that is going to happen? What kind of adventure is that? Who buys this stuff?

Is there anything else controversial I've left out? Let me know.

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Oh, by the way, the new Lean Pockets with the soft bread - totally edible.

Sanity (?)

On the one hand, the political atmosphere living near Washington could be suffocating, especially over the last few years. On the other hand, living in Houston is like anti-politics land. Political thought is gauche, except for the occasional comment about tax burdens and liberals... but even that is more Auburn v Alabama than thoughtful debate.

So I read the Washington Post online to stay sane. Or something.

Impact

Just a quick one this evening. I'm an aluminum can junkie. I know it's not cost-effective (better to get drinks in plastic 2L bottles). But I like cold carbonated beverages, the colder and more fizzy the better, and short of little glass bottles, the aluminum can is the holy grail.

But there is no recycling pick up at my apartment. If I lived in a house around the corner there would be curbside pickup. But I don't. So my options are:

1) Walk 7 miles round trip to drop off cans at the recycling center, or
2) Drive 7 miles round trip to drop off cans at the recycling center, or
3) Throw them out

Walking in 90+ degree heat is unattractive. And it seems stupid to throw out aluminum, which has ~90% energy savings on recycling. But driving makes me wonder about net environmental impact. Does the environmental benefit of reusing a bag full of aluminum cans outweigh the impact of an otherwise unneeded (it's not on the way to anywhere) 7 mile city car journey?

Oh and one unrelated thing.

If you are using Firefox browser (you *are* using Firefox, right???), then if you click on the orange Feed icon at the very end of the URL, next to the "GO" button, you'll get a live bookmark to this site. It's a way to check for new posts without having to come to the page itself. Try it out. Internet Explorer 7 (in beta) also does Feeds, but they're a pain there, and IE6 is hopeless (and AOL goes without saying).

So get Firefox if you haven't, takes about 20 seconds to install, then click the orange Feed to subscribe!

Maze

If only I had the energy (and hand strength) to type this whole thing out. This is me walking over to a nearby restaurant and writing notes for a blog. Does everyone else think this way? The words "Just a ride" and "rollercoaster" got cut off the bottom right.

This is the easy part. The thoughts come, the connections are everywhere. Figuring out where to start, how to proceed through the maze, that's the trouble. That's the art. So much easier (and more fun) to wander through aimlessly with a friend over a glass or two of wine and a couple hours.

I've always got a couple bottles if anyone wants to come over. I'll leave the light on.